Originally Posted by Jade's Baby
Nahh remember the time Michelle (was it Michelle?) actually marked the poor car with her stiletto?
^ But Seymone left the dents and broke the car because of her body size, Michelle didn't xD
I'm not sure who I was supposed to talk to about this but I was wondering if I could get a "sub-forum" for my recaps (so more people can read it), because going through ANTM c6, 7, and 10, I noticed that there were sub-forums for recaps. C10 and 13's weren't consistent though, so if I could get a sub-forum for c18, I would post a new recap every Thursday (as I've been previously doing.)
The sub-forums I mean:
http://www.rtvgames.com/forumdisplay.php?f=53
http://www.rtvgames.com/forumdisplay.php?f=85
http://www.rtvgames.com/forumdisplay.php?f=201
Britain & Ireland's Next Top Model cycle 9 Recaps
Episode 1 (coming soon): http://rtvgames.com/showthread.php?t=38449
Last week on Transcontinental Top Model, the girls went first-class to Canada (aka the head of the raft) and stomped in Toronto Fashion Week. Then, they soiled the good name (?) of the Great White North in their photoshoot; where they were drenched in maple syrup. Eboni did her best in her role as a human pancake while Ashley disgraced Miss Buttersworth (and 4 out of 5 dentists); making her the latest casualty of the British Invasion.
We are greeted into the house with Eboni’s photo being displayed in the house. Alisha has sworn herself to silence until she gets first call out while the US girls open their big glitterly box for the fifth time.
A BEAR’S TALE
Laura is still grieving over her dead friend, Kevin, and she introduces us to Allen; a stuffed animal that he gave her. Obviously, his presence in a house full of camera-thirsty pre-menopausal women will only cause disaster and the Brits decide to play a prank.
The girls take Allen to the pool, where Laura chases them down like a rabid mother bear looking for her stolen cub. Then, they rip off his ear (is his name Allen Van Gogh?) and Laura LOSES IT. She furiously claws her way to the pool, but the girls create a barricade and Laura is forced to stand there and watch them throw the mutilated ear into the pool.
Kyle tries to “bring it closer” but ends up swatting it away even more, and Laura goes ballistic, swearing at her and threatening to kill her. Sophie understands that the bear must have meant something to Laura and she is immediately regretful, but the damage is done.
Laura replies that Kyle is DEAD to her and cries herself to sleep. (This is why you don’t bring testosterone to a house full of girls. They rip him to shreds!)
DON’T YOU WISH YOUR GIRLFRIEND COULD SING LIKE ME?
Lisa D’Amato, winner of the All-Stars cycle, is here with important news for these “hootches.” They will be recording and filming their very own music videos. They will be emulating girl groups (US and UK) and every team has a mentor. The British girls have Nadine Coyle, a member of a famous British girl group while the Yanks get Jessica Sutta, a Pussycat Doll.
Laura decides that to emulate Jessica, she has to be “sexy and stylish”. Sophie agrees, saying that girl groups are all about teamwork.
When they get to the studio, Lisa demands to know their girl group names. The Brits decide on “Fiercely British” and the Yanks go with “United Sirens of America”, because their singing lures people to their deaths (by mass suicide).
The girls take turns recording their parts; and the British demolish. Kyle sounds horrible and Laura sounds “too X-rated”. (At least she can make a good career in porn for the deaf!)
IF ONLY A TOOCH COULD TALK
Because Tyra stretched the budget as is, she can’t afford to buy a legitimate choreographer; so she gifts the girls with a tooch teach. Tyra instructs them to put on these booty pads because you can’t learn how to tooch unless it’s clearly printed on your ass. AzMarie however, says ‘no’ to the whole thing, and disses Tyra by saying that she’s a “grown ass woman”. Tyra (and the modeling industry as a whole) doesn’t look kindly on individuality and asks her to leave.
Armed with their ass implants, Tyra begins to instruct her squad of Kim Kardashian-clones. She tells them that they cannot do the Hootchie, Pootchie, Smootchie, and Dookie Tooches are all against Universal Tooch Regulations. However, the Booty, Goochie, and Side Tooch are all approved by the Tooching Experts of America.
Tyra warns them to not do these incorrect tooches, because they have grave consequences (every time you do an improper tooch, an angel dies!)
Miss. Banks, p.h.D in tooch, then proceeds to teach them the Smize Dance (it’s all the rave in modeling clubs!). If you want to learn how to do any of these Tooches more in depth, you can download her app, iTooch.
WE CAME, WE SAW, WE TOOCHED
After their tooch teach, the girls went to Playhouse, where they prepared to actually film the music video. The Brits went first, with their song, “We’ll Mash You Up,” and they swept the board. Catherine milked every moment while Sophie and Annaliese stayed committed throughout. Alisha was proud of herself because the other girls in the ghetto were getting pregnant and doing drugs, but she’s here doing well and…tooching (the ultimate form of contraception!)
The United Sirens of America were next to perform, with their song, “Stop, Drop, & Tooch” (the motto of sexually active firemen). Jay Manuel is scared that AzMarie’s “too cool for school” attitude is going to spread and nobody will want to work with her. Kyle is also a struggle, keeping a question mark on her face the entire video. Laura, despite Kyle being dead to her, says that “her confidence is going downhill”.
SCARY PINK SKULL! “Tomorrow you will meet with the judges. Only 8 of you will continue on in the hopes of becoming America’s Next Top Model.”
Annaliese promises that if the Brits don’t get best picture this week, we will have “pissed off English folk”. Oh no! We can’t have that! The last time we enraged the British, they unleashed Justin Bieber! Who knows what other weapons of mass destruction they have...
PANEL!
"You know our judges. Sexy noted fashion photographer, Mr. Nigel Barker (I wouldn’t mind mashing him up). Kelly Cutrone, a famous PR maven. And our guest judges, Jessica Sutta and Nadine Coyle, living proof that tooching can make you famous, Tyra’s brainwashing tells us.
First, it’s Stop, Drop, and Tooch by The United Sirens of America (a.k.a. an epileptic’s nightmare)
Some memorable quotes:
“Hey girl hey! I’m Seymone, and I ain’t no clone.” (Thank God, one is enough.)
“My Pot Ledom body is US grown.” (That horridly dyslexic phrase is back… shudder…)
“I could be a lioness, or a lion.” (I think Laura prefers her pussies tamed.)
“My fountain flows on our side.” (*insert period joke here*)
SEYMONE
The apparently one-of-a-kind Seymone “worked her face” and her US grown body. Our fertile grasses are finally paying off!
LAURA
Laura and her “Porsche”-like curves were totally serving in this video. “You looked like a dirty hipster”, Kelly says. Isn’t the pot calling the kettle black here, Kel?
AzMARIE
Tyra, with hatred in her smize, says that AzMarie had a “lack of commitment.” Even her tooches looked half-assed (no pun intended). AzMarie apologizes to the Overlord and Tyra gracefully “accepts”, but deep down, she is already concocting a plan to butcher Az’ family for her hubris.
EBONI
Now that she is embracing her 30-Never persona by wearing her hair in pigtails (which look like elephant ears on her), Tyra is adoring Eboni and says she was giving “baby doll energy” in the video.
KYLE
Kyle’s vocals sounded worse than Christina Aguilera on a good day. Jessica said that she was “too chilled out” and that she was disconnected from the video.
Now, it’s We’ll Mash You Up by Fiercely British.
Some memorable quotes:
“I’m the only fashion time-traveler.” (What does that even mean? Can you back in time to ensure that polyester was never invented?)
“I’m a high fashion battery.” (What? Are you run by Prada and bedazzled pumps? This song makes less sense than George Bush’s presidency.)
“Our stars all Brit, and the Yanks can’t knit, the way we tickle your fancy.” (Okay, seriously, who the hell wrote this song? Lindsay Lohan?)
CATHERINE
Our couture Queen has once again nailed it. Her “timeless beauty” is translated by Kelly as “sexy and dirty” (why is Kelly so fascinated by dirtiness? Has she smelled herself lately?).
SOPHIE
Nadine calls her a “blonde bombshell” from head to toe. Nigel agrees, saying that she has commitment. Kelly says that she is a “Warhol model” (ok, who’s slipping her drugs again?!)
ALISHA
Alisha and her “legs for days” were “extremely professional” and Tyra comments that she “milked every single moment.”
ANNALIESE
Annaliese is literally “everything you wanna be”. Nadine says that she’s “adorable” and Tyra calls her “the girl your parents want you to be”.
“Now the judges and I will deliberate and when you return, I will announce which one of you is no longer on the charts.”
“9 beautiful young ladies stand here before me. But I only have 8 screengrabs in my hands. And these 8 screengrabs represent the eight of you who are still in the running toward becoming America’s Next Top Model. The first name I call is best performance in the music video and will be displayed in your home. The judges and I have agreed that Fiercely British served us the best music video so....”
ALISHA
Runner-up for best performance is…
SOPHIE
CATHERINE
ANNALIESE
Looks like this is one of the Sirens’ swan song.
SEYMONE
LAURA
EBONI
“Will AzMarie and Kyle please step forward? I only have one photo in my hands and this photo represents the Siren who is still in the running toward becoming America’s Next Top Model. I will only call one name and the girl whose name I do not call must immediately return to your house here, pack her bags, and go home. AzMarie, you’re here because you dared defy the omnipotence of Tyra, and she is a jealous god. So, who stays?”
KYLE
I guess AzMarie has to hobble back home and live out the rest of her tooch-less days in sadness.
Who do you think should have gone home? Do you think AzMarie should have stood up to Tyra or remained a faithful pious Tyra-nt? Who do you think should have gotten best performance? Are you glad that the Brits finally got first call out? Who do you think is going to win? Who do you think is going next? Leave any and all comments below (because I love reading them) and I will see you next week.
I COULDN'T FIND ANY AzMARIE OR SEYMONE MV GIFS SO...
THANKS TO SUPMOD, BOREDDORK, BRIT AND 3D-ISM FOR THE GIFS
Britain & Ireland's Next Top Model cycle 9 Recaps
Episode 1 (coming soon): http://rtvgames.com/showthread.php?t=38449
Very much enjoyed it once again, but one thing...you actually do know Justin Beiber isn't British, right? It was just a joke, yeah?
If you enjoy Pokemon, take a look at my YouTube channel! I play through all the classics and maybe some future hits:
My Channel
Oh yeah...I just realized that I confused Canada with Britain, shows how good the American school system is...
Britain & Ireland's Next Top Model cycle 9 Recaps
Episode 1 (coming soon): http://rtvgames.com/showthread.php?t=38449
Lol, I could only imagine the wars that would have broken out if JB was from here XD
If you enjoy Pokemon, take a look at my YouTube channel! I play through all the classics and maybe some future hits:
My Channel
Oh my god! All the Beliebers would done British accents and he might date a British girl. Oh Lord! He might date.....Jasmia *shiver*
Britain & Ireland's Next Top Model cycle 9 Recaps
Episode 1 (coming soon): http://rtvgames.com/showthread.php?t=38449
Isn't it "high fashion factory" and not "high fashion battery"? It still doesn't make sense, but just for the record
another amazing recap, thank you.Last week on Transcontinental Top Model, the girls went first-class to Canada (aka the head of the raft) and stomped in Toronto Fashion Week. Then, they soiled the good name (?) of the Great White North in their photoshoot; where they were drenched in maple syrup. Eboni did her best in her role as a human pancake while Ashley disgraced Miss Buttersworth (and 4 out of 5 dentists); making her the latest casualty of the British Invasion.
We are greeted into the house with Eboni’s photo being displayed in the house. Alisha has sworn herself to silence until she gets first call out while the US girls open their big glitterly box for the fifth time.
A BEAR’S TALE
Laura is still grieving over her dead friend, Kevin, and she introduces us to Allen; a stuffed animal that he gave her. Obviously, his presence in a house full of camera-thirsty pre-menopausal women will only cause disaster and the Brits decide to play a prank.
The girls take Allen to the pool, where Laura chases them down like a rabid mother bear looking for her stolen cub. Then, they rip off his ear (is his name Allen Van Gogh?) and Laura LOSES IT. She furiously claws her way to the pool, but the girls create a barricade and Laura is forced to stand there and watch them throw the mutilated ear into the pool.
Kyle tries to “bring it closer” but ends up swatting it away even more, and Laura goes ballistic, swearing at her and threatening to kill her. Sophie understands that the bear must have meant something to Laura and she is immediately regretful, but the damage is done.
Laura replies that Kyle is DEAD to her and cries herself to sleep. (This is why you don’t bring testosterone to a house full of girls. They rip him to shreds!)
DON’T YOU WISH YOUR GIRLFRIEND COULD SING LIKE ME?
Lisa D’Amato, winner of the All-Stars cycle, is here with important news for these “hootches.” They will be recording and filming their very own music videos. They will be emulating girl groups (US and UK) and every team has a mentor. The British girls have Nadine Coyle, a member of a famous British girl group while the Yanks get Jessica Sutta, a Pussycat Doll.
Laura decides that to emulate Jessica, she has to be “sexy and stylish”. Sophie agrees, saying that girl groups are all about teamwork.
When they get to the studio, Lisa demands to know their girl group names. The Brits decide on “Fiercely British” and the Yanks go with “United Sirens of America”, because their singing lures people to their deaths (by mass suicide).
The girls take turns recording their parts; and the British demolish. Kyle sounds horrible and Laura sounds “too X-rated”. (At least she can make a good career in porn for the deaf!)
IF ONLY A TOOCH COULD TALK
Because Tyra stretched the budget as is, she can’t afford to buy a legitimate choreographer; so she gifts the girls with a tooch teach. Tyra instructs them to put on these booty pads because you can’t learn how to tooch unless it’s clearly printed on your ass. AzMarie however, says ‘no’ to the whole thing, and disses Tyra by saying that she’s a “grown ass woman”. Tyra (and the modeling industry as a whole) doesn’t look kindly on individuality and asks her to leave.
Armed with their ass implants, Tyra begins to instruct her squad of Kim Kardashian-clones. She tells them that they cannot do the Hootchie, Pootchie, Smootchie, and Dookie Tooches are all against Universal Tooch Regulations. However, the Booty, Goochie, and Side Tooch are all approved by the Tooching Experts of America.
Tyra warns them to not do these incorrect tooches, because they have grave consequences (every time you do an improper tooch, an angel dies!)
Miss. Banks, p.h.D in tooch, then proceeds to teach them the Smize Dance (it’s all the rave in modeling clubs!). If you want to learn how to do any of these Tooches more in depth, you can download her app, iTooch.
WE CAME, WE SAW, WE TOOCHED
After their tooch teach, the girls went to Playhouse, where they prepared to actually film the music video. The Brits went first, with their song, “We’ll Mash You Up,” and they swept the board. Catherine milked every moment while Sophie and Annaliese stayed committed throughout. Alisha was proud of herself because the other girls in the ghetto were getting pregnant and doing drugs, but she’s here doing well and…tooching (the ultimate form of contraception!)
The United Sirens of America were next to perform, with their song, “Stop, Drop, & Tooch” (the motto of sexually active firemen). Jay Manuel is scared that AzMarie’s “too cool for school” attitude is going to spread and nobody will want to work with her. Kyle is also a struggle, keeping a question mark on her face the entire video. Laura, despite Kyle being dead to her, says that “her confidence is going downhill”.
SCARY PINK SKULL! “Tomorrow you will meet with the judges. Only 8 of you will continue on in the hopes of becoming America’s Next Top Model.”
Annaliese promises that if the Brits don’t get best picture this week, we will have “pissed off English folk”. Oh no! We can’t have that! The last time we enraged the British, they unleashed Justin Bieber! Who knows what other weapons of mass destruction they have...
PANEL!
"You know our judges. Sexy noted fashion photographer, Mr. Nigel Barker (I wouldn’t mind mashing him up
First, it’s Stop, Drop, and Tooch by The United Sirens of America (a.k.a. an epileptic’s nightmare)
Some memorable quotes:
“Hey girl hey! I’m Seymone, and I ain’t no clone.” (Thank God, one is enough.)
“My Pot Ledom body is US grown.” (That horridly dyslexic phrase is back… shudder…)
“I could be a lioness, or a lion.” (I think Laura prefers her pussies tamed.)
“My fountain flows on our side.” (*insert period joke here*)
SEYMONE
The apparently one-of-a-kind Seymone “worked her face” and her US grown body. Our fertile grasses are finally paying off!
LAURA
Laura and her “Porsche”-like curves were totally serving in this video. “You looked like a dirty hipster”, Kelly says. Isn’t the pot calling the kettle black here, Kel?
AzMARIE
Tyra, with hatred in her smize, says that AzMarie had a “lack of commitment.” Even her tooches looked half-assed (no pun intended). AzMarie apologizes to the Overlord and Tyra gracefully “accepts”, but deep down, she is already concocting a plan to butcher Az’ family for her hubris.
EBONI
Now that she is embracing her 30-Never persona by wearing her hair in pigtails (which look like elephant ears on her), Tyra is adoring Eboni and says she was giving “baby doll energy” in the video.
KYLE
Kyle’s vocals sounded worse than Christina Aguilera on a good day. Jessica said that she was “too chilled out” and that she was disconnected from the video.
Now, it’s We’ll Mash You Up by Fiercely British.
Some memorable quotes:
“I’m the only fashion time-traveler.” (What does that even mean? Can you back in time to ensure that polyester was never invented?)
“I’m a high fashion battery.” (What? Are you run by Prada and bedazzled pumps? This song makes less sense than George Bush’s presidency.)
“Our stars all Brit, and the Yanks can’t knit, the way we tickle your fancy.” (Okay, seriously, who the hell wrote this song? Lindsay Lohan?)
CATHERINE
Our couture Queen has once again nailed it. Her “timeless beauty” is translated by Kelly as “sexy and dirty” (why is Kelly so fascinated by dirtiness? Has she smelled herself lately?).
SOPHIE
Nadine calls her a “blonde bombshell” from head to toe. Nigel agrees, saying that she has commitment. Kelly says that she is a “Warhol model” (ok, who’s slipping her drugs again?!)
ALISHA
Alisha and her “legs for days” were “extremely professional” and Tyra comments that she “milked every single moment.”
ANNALIESE
Annaliese is literally “everything you wanna be”. Nadine says that she’s “adorable” and Tyra calls her “the girl your parents want you to be”.
“Now the judges and I will deliberate and when you return, I will announce which one of you is no longer on the charts.”
“9 beautiful young ladies stand here before me. But I only have 8 screengrabs in my hands. And these 8 screengrabs represent the eight of you who are still in the running toward becoming America’s Next Top Model. The first name I call is best performance in the music video and will be displayed in your home. The judges and I have agreed that Fiercely British served us the best music video so....”
ALISHA
Runner-up for best performance is…
SOPHIE
CATHERINE
ANNALIESE
Looks like this is one of the Sirens’ swan song.
SEYMONE
LAURA
EBONI
“Will AzMarie and Kyle please step forward? I only have one photo in my hands and this photo represents the Siren who is still in the running toward becoming America’s Next Top Model. I will only call one name and the girl whose name I do not call must immediately return to your house here, pack her bags, and go home. AzMarie, you’re here because you dared defy the omnipotence of Tyra, and she is a jealous god. So, who stays?”
KYLE
I guess AzMarie has to hobble back home and live out the rest of her tooch-less days in sadness.
I COULDN'T FIND ANY AzMARIE OR SEYMONE MV GIFS SO...
THANKS TO SUPMOD, BOREDDORK, BRIT AND 3D-ISM FOR THE GIFS
Who do you think should have gone home:Azmarie
Do you think AzMarie should have stood up to Tyra or remained a faithful pious Tyra-nt? :azmarie should have done the challenge
Who do you think should have gotten best performance?:Alisha, and she did
Are you glad that the Brits finally got first call out? :yes, they worked hard hard for it
Who do you think is going to win?:Alisha
Who do you think is going next?:Kyle or Catherine
its "high fashion back tree"Isn't it "high fashion factory" and not "high fashion battery"? It still doesn't make sense, but just for the record
I just realized I never actually answer these myself.
Who do you think should have gone home:AzMarie
Do you think AzMarie should have stood up to Tyra?: AzMarie should swallow her pride and do the name Juicy Tooch.
Who do you think should have gotten best performance?:Catherine
Are you glad that the Brits finally got first call out? : Hell yeah!
Who do you think is going to win?: Sophie/Laura
Who do you think is going next?: Kyle
Britain & Ireland's Next Top Model cycle 9 Recaps
Episode 1 (coming soon): http://rtvgames.com/showthread.php?t=38449
wtf where did u get high fashion battery
its high fashion back tree
Last week onAmerica'sthe English Speaking World’s Next Top Model, the girls had to form girl groups and film a music video. The British earned best performance for their superior Juicy Tooching abilities and AzMarie, who refused Tyra’s tooch teach, became a fashion martyr (literally. Disobeying the Tyrant is punishable by death in 48 states.)
The UK girls finally received best picture so they were gifted a big glittering silver box full of goodies. Seymone and Kyle, separate from the rest of the house (who are squealing in glee about their presents), bond over conversation and potato salad. (who’ve thought I’d use the words Seymone and salad in the same sentence…)
On the other side of the house, Laura and the Brits have decided to form an alliance to overthrow a common enemy; their name and mission are identical: Get Rid of Kyle. Laura and Co. conspire against The One Who Shall Not Be Named, calling her “hopeless” and “horrible” and saying that it’s miraculous that she’s still here. They begin discussing how upset they are at her existence but are cut off by a-
TYRA MAIL! “Beauty is in the smize of the beholder. Fierce and luv, Tyra.”
JUST THE WAY YOU ARE
The girls are met by Nigel Barker, who tells them that they will be working with Tyra’s B.I.O., an anti-bullying campaign. Each team will be filming 2 minute PSA’s and most of the girls are confused because they don’t know what a PSA is (is that like, Sad PDA?) The winners will be featured on Tyra’s website and will receive a video message from a “loved one” on their “Virgin Mobile phones”. Once again, that’s “Virgin Mobile phones”.
Each model is paired up with a teenage girl, who shares a touching story of being bullied. It is a truly touching moment and it was filled with tears of happiness. After listening to her girl, Eboni tells us that she was constantly bullied for being black and poor (people only appreciate rich chocolate).
Sophie’s girl, Raquel, faced some difficulties with her mole, but inspires us all when she says that “inner beauty can’t be bullied.” Laura has a similarly intelligent girl, Estefany, who says that beauty is “being smart” (I’m Albert Einstein and I approve this message.)
Alisha is particularly struck by her girl, Anahi, who sobs in her lap and tells her that the kids in school made fun of her skin and hair. Alisha, with tears in her eyes, reminds her that “this is how God made you and you’re beautiful.”
Then, because she feeds off of young girls’ sadness, Tyra immediately makes them forget these life lessons and drowns the girls in makeup and hair extensions.
The girls basically take turns smiling and doing their Oprah impersonations with their kids and even when they get stuff wrong (“beauty is fun!”), the models shrug it off with a grin on their face. Laura’s girl is pleasant, and she flubbed a line and said “beauty is mold!” (I don’t think beauty is exactly defined as Barbra Walter’s face).
After these joy-filled commercials, Nigel is given the awkward task of criticizing them (your smile showed too much gum!) Despite the Americans bonding with their girls more, Nigel deems the British girls the victors.
Back in the house, the Brits receive their videos via their Virgin Mobile phones. Alisha’s brother is a sweetheart and Catherine’s parents are a delight. Annaliese has people back in Britain rooting for her and unfortunately, Sophie’s boyfriend is an emotionless dud.
TYRA MAIL! “Tomorrow you will be the centerpiece of attention. Fierce and luv, Tyra.”
DINNER AND A SHOW
Jay Manuel greets the girls at a mansion, which is the setting for the next photo shoot. He, probably blackmailed by Tyra, then says that this will require an “extreme booty tooch”. (Stop trying to make tooch happen. It’s not going to happen.)
He explains that they will be serving as “art installations” in a dinner party hosted by “the one and only”, Jay says with vigor, “Estelle!” (is that a band?)
After hair and makeup, the girls are welcomed to a giant dining hall with a mahogany table filled to the brim with divine delicacies. (The open banquet must have been a large test of willpower for Seymone).
Laura has trouble contorting her body around the banquet. Catherine was “difficult” and did the “same poses over and over”. Sophie was “extravagant” and “willing to do anything” (except eating. That’s just crossing the line.)
Eboni was “bootylicious” and Seymone created a lot of interesting shots. Then, toward the shoot, she threw a pie in Annaliese’s face (if she can’t have it, nobody will!)
Kyle, who suffers from WGS (White Girl Syndrome), has a startling side-effect; a lack of ass. So, Tyra, being the gracious woman she is, gives Kyle butt pads. But the other girls are pissed! They are enraged that they had to shove their non-existent asses THAT GOD GAVE THEM, while Kyle gets to rest on her padded laurels like a lazy, unnatural ass-thief. IT’S JUST NOT FAIR!
SCARY PINK SKULL! “Tomorrow you will meet with the judges. Only 7 of you will continue on in the hopes of becoming America’s Next Top Model.”
PANEL!
"You know our judges. Sexy noted fashion photographer, Mr. Nigel Barker. Kelly Cutrone, a famous PR maven (and recovering bath-aphobe) and our guest judge, Estelle, an apparently famous British singer.
CATHERINE
Her pose was “cool” but “not authentic” enough. Kelly complained that it looked as if she was going for seconds and lost her balance, but Tyra and Estelle raved over it. Nigel was silent, being too entranced by Catherine’s “lower back”.
ALISHA
Tyra called her a “background smizer” (I hear Beyonce has those!) and Kelly worries that there isn’t “enough angst”. Nigel calls her “sexy” and compares her to “a ferocious cat” (if you’re into that, Nigel…)
SOPHIE
Sophie is tooching atop the table and the judges fawn over it. Kelly deems it “model mayhem” and Tyra agrees, saying it has “power”.
ANNALIESE
Kelly calls her a “pixie of mayhem” (way to spice it up, Kel) and says that this is her best shot to date. Tyra disagrees, calling her more commercial than high fashion.
EBONI
Due to her 30-Never face, Tyra rambles on about the “serenity” and “youth” in this photo. Nigel says that Eboni is “pretzel tooching”; being sexually aroused by both posing and pastries.
KYLE
Kelly is fearful that Kyle is “going downhill” and that this is her worst shot to date. Tyra says that even with her “training tooch”, she failed to grasp the concept of the photoshoot (to present your ass to the camera like a baboon?) Estelle says that she has a “sad steak face”, and promptly begins a new life of veganism.
LAURA
Laura’s pose was “too extreme” but Tyra says that there were some “interesting angles”. Kelly Cutrone is sullen because she “can’t picture what magazine” this picture would belong (Stoners Weekly?)
SEYMONE
The judges go up in arms about the contortionist pose. Tyra calls it an “upside down arched rainbow tooch” (Because leprechauns are high fashion!)
“Now the judges and I will deliberate and when you return, I will announce whose Last Supper this was.”
“Eight beautiful young ladies stand before me. But I only have 7 photos in my hands. And these seven photos represent the seven girls who are still in the running toward becoming America’s Next Top Model. The first name I call is best picture and will be displayed in your home as digital art. Best picture goes to…”
SOPHIE
Runner-up for best picture is…
SEYMONE
EBONI
ANNALIESE
LAURA
CATHERINE
“Will Kyle and Alisha please step forward? I only have one photo in my hands. And this photo represents the girl who is still in the running toward becoming America’s Next Top Model. Kyle, you stand here before me because, even with a fake booty, you couldn’t tooch properly. Alisha, you stand here before me because you are only good as a commercial model, and despite this show being…well this show…we still want an actual model. So who stays?”
ALISHA
Tyra tries to console Kyle by assuring her that being a “girl-next-door” can still become a legitimate modeling career.
Next week, the girls go on real go-sees (dumb girls+getting lost in big city+possible rape=a good time) and get covered in pussies (it’s Hello Kitty products, you dirty bird.)
Who do you think should have gone home? Should it have been Kyle? Alisha? Anyone else? Who do you think should have gotten best photo? Who do you think is going to win? Who do you think is going next? Leave any and all comments below (because I love reading them) and I will see you next week.
Britain & Ireland's Next Top Model cycle 9 Recaps
Episode 1 (coming soon): http://rtvgames.com/showthread.php?t=38449
Who do you think should have gone home? Should it have been Kyle? Alisha?
-i didnt want either of them to go home, but if i had to choose, i would send kyle home.
Who do you think should have gotten best photo?
-alisha or eboni, though im ok with sophie getting first callout.
Who do you think is going to win?
-sophie or laura.
Who do you think is going next?
-catherine or seymone.
Yeah, that's why I put 'Anyone else', so you could choose anyone.
My opinions:
1) Eboni
2) Seymone
3) Laura
4) Sophie
5) Catherine
6) Annaliese
7) Alisha
8) Kyle
Britain & Ireland's Next Top Model cycle 9 Recaps
Episode 1 (coming soon): http://rtvgames.com/showthread.php?t=38449
BREAKING NEWS! The “biggest news” on the Top Model front is the elimination of Jay Manuel, Nigel Barker, and Jay Alexander. Yes, Tyra’s right-hand gays and her left-hand Brit got the boot, and it probably went like this… “I only have one contract in my hands, and that contract belongs to…Kelly Cutrone.” Ugh, Kelly Cutrone.
So, who can possibly replace our main men? (Leave any ideas below)
Honestly, I feel happy for them because they are finally escaping Tyra’s circus-tent of twisted logic where booty tooching is a) a real thing and b) integral to the modeling world. At least now they can add slightly less embarrassing things to their Wikipedia pages.
Now, with our last few Nigel/Jay/Jay filled moments, onto the recap.
Last week on America’s Next Top Model: British Demolition, the girls were commissioned to booty tooch on a table with guest star Estelle. Sophie and her side tooch roused everyone’s appetite, gaining her best picture. But it was Kyle who spoiled our dinner, becoming the latest casualty of the British Invasion.
Laura is literally overcome with an orgasmic rush now that Kyle is gone. She and Sophie celebrate the demise of their common enemy because the “fat has finally been trimmed”.
Seymone is pouting, which is the other of her two moods, besides “hungry”. Alisha is awaiting a haute fashion editorial shot so she can finally show off her ass(ets). She is worried because Tyra called her “commercial” (not the c word!) and really wants to make her parents proud.
TYRA MAIL! “Hope by now you hit your stride. Now to meet the fashion elite. Fierce and luv, Tyra.”
The girls get a message from the ever so traumatizing Martin Larestrom that they will be on a casting for a “very special event” (that’s helpful). He then goes around the room to give them “tips”, but he really just reminds them of their vague irreparable flaws. Now they can walk with confidence!
DON’T WALK, RUN(WAY)
The girls arrive at the Beverly Hills Hotel, and Laura is entranced by its beauty. Then, they meet Kelly Cutrone, who says that’s her favorite place to stay (even though she can barely afford a bottle of shampoo). She tells them that they will be taking part in a runway/award show called the “Dorchester Collection Fashion Prize”.
All the girls take turns walking in various smocks and frocks for the Fashion Elite Four in hopes of being the girl to open one of their shows. Catherine accidentally stumbles in the presence of their greatness and Eboni was a “robot on Oxycontin” (that robot and Kelly have much in common!)
Then, they walk for Designer Siki In, who dresses them in bathing suits. Kelly fails to see a “runway slayer” (I don’t think it’s the catwalk they want to slay…) She feels as if all of the girls have to step it up (no pun intended!)
After Kelly critiques them for being different shades of awful, they are faced with a new task: to walk for the designers. Julian Louie thinks that Annaliese is extravagant and high fashion while Guilietta raves about Sophie’s “sophisticated”walk.
They are all, however, unimpressed by Seymone, who looks grungy and annoyed. (I thought fat people were supposed to be jolly?)
At the end, Alisha, Annaliese, and Sophie are all picked to open a show-Sophie got two-but the other girls get a consolation prize: they all get to walk. So this contest was basically pointless, except that now only three girls have the chance to win a TWO NIGHTS STAY in a hotel. The heat is on!!
The designers, including Georgina Chapman, come in to give them tips about looking pretty. “Be confident!” Somehow, they act as if this is inspiring advice.
Then, the Fashion Mafia shows up; eager to judge them and readily throw stilettos in disapproval.
Sophie and her signature strut bring smiles across the board. Annaliese also impresses, looking fierce in her show. But Alisha is clearly the HBIC, plummeting the runway while holding a rat cage as a briefcase. (It’s called fashion, guys.)
After conferring over cannolies, the Mob has come to a consensus: the winner of the challenge is…Alisha! She immediately concludes, “I must have had some effect on that decision.” Yes, because you were totally the deciding factor in the decision to award a designer $40,000 and a spot in Paris Fashion Week. Yay Alisha!
TYRA MAIL! “Who knew couture could be so purr-fect? Fierce and luv, Tyra.”
HELLO KITTY, GOODBYE SANITY
Jay Manuel (sniffle) meets the girls and tells them they will be modeling “couture” pieces made entirely of Hello Kitty memorabilia. In front of a Hello Kitty backdrop. There’s really no point after that.
He then introduces the photographer, 16-year-old Ann He. “She’s even younger than you!” Jay notes. First you douse them in pussies and then you call them old? Your sass is irreplaceable Jay!
Alisha is “embracing the garment” and “commands” the camera. Annaliese was “quick” and “elegant”, like an emperor’s cat. Sophie had trouble, beginning to “move slowly and robotically”.
Seymone is upset because the headpiece was really heavy and difficult to carry (now you know how your heels feel!).
Laura’s garment was also heavy, but she doesn’t complain as much as Seymone; because that would just be impossible.
Eboni was “struggling” because she hates her 30-Never persona, saying that her poor background made her too tough (she could barely afford kitty litter!) Even when Jay instructs her to “make shapes,” she feebly shakes her foot. “The judges are going to tear her alive. That was terrible.” Oh, you sausy, silver-haired Jay. Our Tin Man with the sharp tongue. I think I’ll miss you most of all.
SCARY PINK SKULL! “Tomorrow you will meet with the judges. Only 6 of you will continue on in the hopes of becoming America’s Next Top Model.”
PANEL!
"You know our judges. First, we have sexy noted fashion photographer, Mr. Nigel Barker (don’t leave us this way!). Next is Kelly Cutrone, a famous PR maven. And finally, our guest judge Georgina Chapman, a famed designer.
SEYMONE
The pose is “modeling 101” and too “show and tell” for Tyra. Kelly believes that she looks like “a hitchhiker in Hello Kitty Land who got left behind.” HOW. How do you choose this woman over Miss Jay Alexander?
LAURA
“You like to bend huh?” Nigel notices. (Only near you, Mr. Barker.) Tyra tells us a useless story about how, as a child, she was crazy jealous of her friend who had Hello Kitty everything. She still sounds jealous. THESE PHOTO SHOOTS MUST BE TYRA’S SELF-THERAPY! It all makes sense now...
EBONI
Looking like “50-Forever”, the judges naturally hated it. Tyra, after her kitty epiphany, is sad to say that Eboni looks like a cat after it got spayed. Kelly hates it, thinking the halo of stuffed cats suffocating her face in the photo is “wearing her.”
CATHERINE
Nigel praises the “strength” and “obvious body language” in this photo. Kelly compares it to Linda Blair from The Exorcist. As we’ve learned by now, Kelly just says things. It’s probably side affects of Oxycontin-withdrawal.
ALISHA
The judges love it! Georgina compares it to Grace Jones and Nigel calls her a “Gam-A-Tronica Glamazon”. Tyra agrees, calling it her best photo to date.
SOPHIE
The silhouette is lovely, but the expression is a little “off”. Georgina loves it, despite the minor flaws.
ANNALIESE
Tyra calls it “awkward” but Georgina loves it; even saying she would put in it a Marchesa look book. You know. If Marchesa made costumes inspired by Japanese fetishist fever dreams. The judges are confused about her, especially Kelly. She then continues saying how she is “haunted” by her…so why does it seem like Annaliese is the one who should get the restraining order?
TYRA ACTUALLY SAYS IT! “Now the judges and I will deliberate and when you return, I will announce which one of you is not a Hello Kitty, but a Bye-Bye Kitty.” Yes, we all knew it was going to happen, but that doesn’t make it any less embarrassing.
“Seven beautiful young ladies stand before me. But I only have 6 photos in my hands. And these six photos represent the six girls who are still in the running toward becoming America’s Next Top Model. The first name I call is best picture and will be displayed in your home as digital art. Best picture goes to…”
ALISHA
Runner-up for best picture is…
SOPHIE
CATHERINE
LAURA
ANNALIESE
“Will Eboni and Seymone please step forward? I only have one photo in my hands. And this photo represents the girl who is still in the running toward becoming America’s Next Top Model. Eboni, you stand here before me because you are not appreciating our 30-Never branding tips (you mean the ones that make her look like an extra on To Catch a Predator?) Seymone, you stand here before me because you were not valuing the opportunities we give you. Instead, you sit and get a grumpy attitude (what is this, Diary of a Mad Black Woman?) So who stays?”
EBONI
Seymone is angry and explodes, just wanting to go home right away. She must have bought some ribs.
Next week, the girls will travel to Hong Kong where Laura and Eboni continue to fight. Then, they pose as fashionable decomposers with silk worms.
Who do you think should have gone home? Should it have been Seymone? Eboni? Anyone else? Who do you think should have gotten best photo? Who do you think is going to win? Who do you think is going next? Leave any and all comments below (because they’re great!) and I will see you next week.
Britain & Ireland's Next Top Model cycle 9 Recaps
Episode 1 (coming soon): http://rtvgames.com/showthread.php?t=38449
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